Lessons Learned in My 20s: Reflections on Turning 30 and Embracing Growth

A picture I took in Lamu, Kenya

person: It just doesn’t feel like you are just turning 30
me: I seem older?
person: It's a different wrap. Sometimes older. sometimes younger

I turn 30 tomorrow and honestly, the conversation above sums up how I feel about this new age. In a lot of ways, I still feel 18 and in the same vein, I feel 30. Whether I feel 18 or 30, what I know is that I had had quite an eventful 20s. I have grown, felt sadness and happiness, made good and bad choices, and surprised myself with my resilience and some decisions.

I am quite aware that there’s still so much that I don’t know, but for now, I know that all the events of my 20s have helped form an identity of who I currently am and I am grateful for it. Here is to more growth in my 30s.

Here are some of the things I learned in :

1. Stop waiting for the other shoe to drop. This is something I struggle with and in a conversation with a former 60-year-old boss, he said “Think of all the troubles you have overcome and things you have done. You should be full of self-confidence”. You were not created to worry or fear.
2. Seek friendships where you can be unapologetically yourself and nurture them. There is little to gain from friendships that you have to pretend to be someone else. In this journey called life, you need people to be there for you through the good and bad. When you find those people, be there for them as well. Show up for them
3. Travel, visit places, and experience other cultures. You don’t have to travel to other countries to experience this. Explore other states. You will be shocked how traveling can change your outlook on life.
4. Never stop developing yourself. We live in a very fast-paced world (fasted-paced work environment, fast-paced technology, etc). What that means is that there is a tendency to be too busy to worry about self-improvement. This will not serve you in the long run. Choose yourself and create time. Self-development can take different forms- therapy, reading a book, taking a course, or another degree. Whatever this means to you, just grow as an individual.
5. Go for what you want for yourself. Do not restrict your decisions to what society expects of you. We tend to overestimate how important it is to follow traditional paths.
6. People don’t care about your life that much. What people will say or feel should not guide your life’s decisions.
7. Let the people that you love know that you love them.
8. Learn to leave what does not serve you anymore-people or jobs. Trust me, you will be fine.
9. Be kind.
10. Do not hoard knowledge. Pay forward your privilege. We all have privileges albeit in different measures.
11. Invest in tools that will help you understand what you do not know.
12. Your origin story matters, but it doesn’t define who you are
13. Nobody benefits from you trying to be someone else.
14. Volunteer.
15. Find a hobby or other passions.
16. You do not have to have an opinion about everything. There is wisdom in keeping quiet sometimes.
17. Forgive your parents.
18. Seek excellence. Do the best you can at your job. Go the extra mile at work. Let people know you as that person who is great to work with.
19. Treat people you work with and for with respect. Don’t ever make someone feel insignificant or inadequate.
20. Document your life. There are a million and one ways to document your life these days. Take pictures or a journal.
21. No matter what you are currently going through, it will pass. That pain you think you will not overcome, you will
22. Seek GOD and know him for yourself: I am a Christian and my belief in God has been my guiding compass. My relationship with him and his love for me has been my saving grace.
23. Learn to know when it’s time to stop crying and get to work.
24. Not everyone will like you and that’s okay.
25. Listen to the counsel of others but have a mind of your own. Stay true to your convictions. That advice from your respected mentor who means well might not be what you need.
26. Don’t fall into the trap of trends. It is meaningless in the grand scheme of things.
27. Most people are figuring it out as they go. Do not put too much pressure on yourself to have it all figured out.
28. Try to fail more in your 20s. Now, this does not mean you intentionally try to wreck your life. It only means that you should take risks more. Chances are that in your 20s, you have little to lose. Also, it’s the failures of these years that allow you to write lists like this.
29. If your life flashes before you, make sure you like the picture/video reel you see.
30. Life is full of nuances. Give people the benefit of the doubt. After that, change it for them (haha. just kidding or maybe not).